High as a Kite
by bitchdoilooklikeawizard
Summary: I got a prompt to do a Valkunus story with Tamsin high.


Bo walked into the bedroom to find Tamsin sitting on the bed, legs stretched out, arms crossed over her chest, and staring at the ceiling as if it contained a secret. Bo sat down on the bed next to Tamsin.

"Tamsin... Are you okay?"

"Me?" Tamsin drawled. "Oh yeah. Me. 'Cause you can't possibly be..."

"Can't possibly be what?" Bo urged her to finish her thought.

"Hm?" Tamsin asked absentmindedly. "Oh. You can't possibly talking to someone else. 'Cause I'm the only one in here... Unless you're asking yourself if you're okay... But that's just plain silly..."

Tamsin giggled, quickly losing whatever interest she had in the ceiling.

"Alright, Tamsin. What gives?" Bo asked. She raised an eyebrow as realization set in. "Babe... Are you tripping?"

"No... Can't trip if I'm not walkin'. Or running. Or jogging... Massimo. Him."

"What about him?"

"He's a meanie, Bo!"

Bo raised her eyebrows at Tamsin and smirked with amusement. She did agree with Tamsin though. Massimo was a 'meanie.'

"Why?"

"I don't know, Bo. He said I'm no fun—I'm fun, right? Right, baby? I'm fun... He said I'm no fun and I always, um..." Tamsin thought for a moment, struggling to focus on what she was saying and instantaneously forgetting that Massimo's words had stung her. "Go to him for things I shouldn't use recreationally so he gave me something to try out that I _can_ use recreationally... It's great.

"Great, huh?"

"Yeah. It's better than anything I've ever had at the Dal... Don't get me wrong. Trick's mixes are great. But this... This makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But then again, so does beer..." Tamsin trailed off and looked slightly confused.

"Warm and fuzzy. Interesting."

"What if the fuzzy feeling inside came from like... a... thingy..."

"What kind of thingy?"

"A _thingy_, Bo," Tamsin told her matter-of-factly, seemingly frustrated that Bocouldn't read her mind. "Those things that go after honey—bears. A bear. What if the warm fuzzy feeling you get inside comes from a bear?"

"How on earth—"

"No! No, shush! Just think about it. Beer and bear sound alike, yeah? What if there's like... a seed in the beer? And once you swallow the beer, you grow a bear inside your tummy? Huh? What if?"

"Tamsin, that's sounds a little—"

"But the bear is a nice bear when it grows up. And it just dances around inside your tummy and rubs its back up against the walls and lining of your tummy... Like, that'd be the source of the warm and fuzzy feeling!" Tamsin exclaimed as she rubbed her own stomach. "That'd tickle!"

Tamsin smiled a dopey smile for a moment before looking distressed. Bo's eyebrows furrowed as she studied Tamsin's oblivious expressions.

"Something wrong?"

"What if the bears have babies and reproduce in there?"

"_What?_"

"What if? Wouldn't it get crowded in there?" Tamsin paused and clumsily slammed her arms down on the bed by her sides. "No, that's silly. The bears can't reproduce. They come from the seeds in the beer. They're bear beers. Or beer bears. Or whatever."

"Right, well as interesting as this is getting, I should—"

"And it explains why you get so sick after having too many bears—beers," Tamsin corrected herself. She nodded as if confirming what she'd just said to herself. "After you've had a few, the bears are claustrophobic and they try clawing their way out of your tummy! I said they were nice when they grew up, I did _not_ say they were nice once they finished growing!"

Bo looked up at the ceiling before looking from side to side, wondering what to do with Tamsin.

"What's up?" Tamsin asked.

"Nothing," Bo responded carefully.

"Then why'd you look up at the ceiling?"

"Um... I don't know. Just felt like it."

"Oh. Cool," Tamsin yawned. She jumped as she remembered something. "Hey, this one time, Lauren slapped me!"

"What?"

"Oh and another time, I kissed Dyson!"

Bo scowled and her eyes squinted and she couldn't tell if Tamsin was telling the truth or just being crazy. Tamsin looked blankly back at her, completely oblivious to Bo's suspicion.

"Like, all I was wearing was like a sports bra thingy and shorts—I had the worst case of a whoo-hoo wedgie _ever! _He said I tasted good."

Bo pressed her lips together, brought a hand up to her forehead to rub it, and allowed her hands balled into fists. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.

"Well, Tamsin... That's... Interesting," Bo responded calmly. "Is there... anything else you'd like to share with me?"

"Hale's hot," Tamsin stated simply.

"Okay," Bo responded flatly.

"Vex and I were a thing centuries ago."

"Keep 'em comin'," Bo sighed with her eyes closed as she nodded slowly.

"The Morrigan wanted you executed and I didn't let her..."

"Oh, that's a new one..." Bo opened her eyes and thought for a moment. She wanted to ask Tamsin about that, but she changed her mind due to fact that Tamsin probably wouldn't be able to hold a serious, one-topic _coherent_ conversation at this point.

"Hey, Bo?" Tamsin asked suddenly. She seemed to be thinking hard.

"What?" Bo asked. "Don't hurt yourself."

"Shut up!" Tamsin thought some more. "Do you know God?"

"Oh my God..." Bo shook her head and got ready to get up and leave, but Tamsin grabbed her wrist loosely and pulled her back.

"No, I'm serious!" Tamsin's green eyes met Bo's brown ones. "Do you know God?"

"Yeah. Sure."

"And you never told me!?" Tamsin's jaw dropped as her eyebrows pulled together. "Were you just going to keep that a secret from me forever? But it doesn't matter now. I know the secret."

"What? What _are_ you talking about, Tamsin?"

"God. I know who God is."

"Okay... Who is he?"

"That's the thing, Bo... It's not a he. It's a she."

"_What?_"

"It's Lauren. Lauren is the Lord."

Bo squinted yet again at her girlfriend. Her expression looked as if she was in pain from hearing the Valkyrie's nonsense. She looked around the room and waited for an explanation, but it never came.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"How did you reach the conclusion of Lauren being God?"

"She freakin' knows _everything!_" Tamsin exclaimed wide-eyed. "She literally knows everything!"

Bo blinked blankly at Tamsin, unable to formulate a response to Tamsin's statement. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it and pressed her lips together.

"We know God!"

"That's wonderful, Tamsin..." Bo mumbled. "I've gotta go make a phone call. You stay right _here_. Do _not_ go anywhere."

Bo went down to the kitchen to be out of Tamsin's earshot and called one of the lost arrogant Fae she'd ever met.

"'Sup, Succubus?" he greeted in his dangerously soft voice.

"Massimo, what'd you give to her?"

"A little somethin' somethin'... Why, d'you want some?"

"No! And I want to know what you gave her."

"I don't really know. Human drugs... They suck. Their effects on Fae... Just plain weird. So I make my own shit."

"That doesn't answer my question. How long does it last?"

"Depends. Did she take the whole thing?"

"Whole thing?" Bo shrilly repeated. She ran upstairs and found Tamsin out cold. She tiptoed back to the kitchen. "She's sleeping. I don't know wherever the container for the stuff is."

"Well, if she's sleeping, then she took the whole thing. No worries."

"No worries? She was talking about stomach-dwelling bears, past flings, and a her belief that a certain human is actually God!"

"Huh. And she never once mentioned my stunning looks?"

"No. But that's probably because she can't process the thought of something so mythological," Bo retorted as she hung up. She sighed and made her way back to the bedroom where Tamsin was no longer asleep, but wide awake and jumping on the bed.

"Who even needs a stupid trampoline when you've got a bed?" she shouted.

"Tamsin, _get down!_" Bo commanded.

"No! It's fun up here. Come join me!" Tamsin reached down and pulled Bo up onto the bed. "Let's make this thing rock!"

Bo glanced at Tamsin out of the corners of her eyes, wondering if the Valkyrie just used some kind of innuendo. Bo jumped once, twice, three times to appear believable.

"Isn't it great?" Tamsin asked. Bo jumped one more time and tackled the blonde, pinning her down.

"Tamsin," Bo huffed as she held down Tamsin's wrists. "You need to calm down."

"But why?" Tamsin asked with the same airy voice.

"You're going to hurt someone and it'll either be me or yourself," Bo replied, gaining her breath back gradually.

"God, you're hot..." Tamsin breathed. She stared at Bo's face as if she was viewing one of the seven wonders of the world.

"Thanks. But you need to cool it."

Tamsin began laughing hysterically and Bo loosened her grip.

"What?"

"I see what you did there," Tamsin laughed. "I said you're hot and you said to cool it. You're funny too!"

Bo's eyes narrowed as she looked into the blonde's green eyes. She sighed and let go completely of the laughing Valkyrie. Despite everything, Bo smiled because Tamsin's laugh was rarely heard and when it mixed with her bright smile, it was contagious.

"Tamsin, I really don't think this is a good idea... But I'm trusting you to stay here in this house and not do anything bad or stupid while I go out. I need to get something done. Okay? Nothing stupid."

"Yessir!" Tamsin responded as she saluted the Succubus.

Bo went out to find Massimo and found him in a dark alleyway, wandering around aimlessly. She walked right up to him, looked him square in the eyes, and punched him in the jaw. The Druid fell to the ground, never letting a sound of protest or pain escape his lips. He stood back up, brushed himself off, and opened his mouth to speak.

"Save it," Bo snapped. "That's for compromising Tamsin."

"Compromising her?" Massimo asked, licking the blood from his lips. He ignored the bitter metallic taste in his mouth and continued, "If anything, I did her a favour. She's ecstatic right now, isn't she?"

"No. She's only confused."

"She'll be fine. It'll wear off... eventually."

"How long is eventually?" Bo asked sharply.

"I don't know. It affects each Fae differently... It could be permanent or it might not be. I haven't tested it."

Bo took another swing at him, but he caught her by the wrist before she could make contact.

"Uh-uh," he murmured. "Not this time."

Bo's eyebrows raised and she quickly brought her knee to his crotch. The Druid dropped to the ground, doubled over and groaned.

"That was a cheap shot, Succubus," he spat.

"Well, giving whatever you gave to Tamsin was a dick move. So now we're even. And I swear to God that if it's permanent, the repercussive damage I do to you will also be permanent."

"I'll save you the time," Massimo gasped. "Another Valkyrie has tried it already. She's fine."

"How long did it last on her?"

"I don't know. Sorry that I don't follow Valkyries all day."

Bo raised her fist to hit him again and he flinched, but she decided against it and ended up walking briskly away.

"Tamsin, I'm home!" Bo called as she walked into the house. No response. Bo jetted up the stairs and into the bedroom. Just as she walked though the doorway, a pillow collided with her face, knocking her back a few steps. "Ow."

"Here!" Tamsin tossed a pillow at Bo. Bo caught it, but did not mirror Tamsin's ready stance. Instead, she pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want to have a pillow fight."

"Oh..."

Tamsin's expression reminded Bo of a deflated little girl. Her expression changed quickly back to perky as an idea popped into her mind.

"Stay here. I want to surprise you with something!"

Bo reluctantly followed Tamsin's orders, but kept her ears alert. She felt she might hear things crashing and banging around, but never did she once hear anything. After waiting for about ten minutes, Bo grew impatient and wondered what Tamsin was up to. Just as she got up to go check on her Tamsin hopped up to the doorway.

"Come downstairs," Tamsin told her. "Follow me."

Bo followed Tamsin and when she turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs, she saw that Tamsin had constructed a large pillow/blanket fort using the couch and various chairs. Tamsin grabbed her hand and pulled her into the fortress.

"So! Whataya think?" Tamsin smiled proudly.

"I think Massimo gave you a reverse-mental ageing drug," Bo whispered to herself. "And it better not be permanent."

"Wait a second..." Tamsin scowled and frowned, suddenly looking confused. She slapped Bo on the arm and asked, "What the hell?"

"Tamsin..? You're back?"

"I never left! Why're we in a pillow fort? What the hell are you on?" Tamsin asked, climbing out of the fortress. "Bo, are you sick? We can get you checked out..."

"Tamsin, _you_ built this."

"I _what!?_"

"Yeah. What's the last thing you remember?"

"That douchebag Massimo giving me something to try out. But I don't remember trying it..."

"Well, you did. And we talked about bears that come from beer. And a whole other stuff. And you used the bed as a trampoline, hit me in the face with a pillow, and built this," Bo explained as she gestured to the fort.

"Oh. That's weird," Tamsin shrugged. "I'm exhausted."

"Probably from using the bed as a trampoline?" Bo suggested. "Get some rest. I'll join you..."

"I'd love that," Tamsin smiled shyly. "You first."

Bo made her way back up the stairs and Tamsin lagged behind.

_I can't believe I did that. What's worse is I remember every second of it_, Tamsin thought. _I'll just pretend not to remember. It's probably besg that way... less explaining and discusding things... this is way too awkward._

Bo climbed into bed and pulled the sheets back for Tamsin.

"Thanks," Tamsin skittishly mumbled. She climbed in and immediately rolled over, so as not to face Bo. Bo, who was on her back looked over at Tamsin out of the corner of her eye.

_Wait a second! She must remember something... or maybe even all of it! _Bo realized.

"Tamsin... You remember everything, don't you?" Bo didn't pose this as a question.

Tamsin hesitated before answering, "Goodnight, Bo."

[End.]


End file.
